There is something profound and sacred about the very moment you enter into the world of trust and vulnerability with another person.
Those moments where a person confides in you, trusts you to watch their kids, allows you to drive their car, asks for your advice, shares their pain and joy with you. The first time you enter into one of these moments with someone, it is as if life has been breathed into the relationship. To take the step into one of these moments requires faith.
I’m the type of person that jumps head first into new relationships. I enter in with the expectation that I will not get hurt this time. And then am deeply sorrowed when those moments arrive (as they most inevitably will). This is the wager of faith – that the moments of redemption, vulnerability, and trust are more meaningful than the pain, betrayal, and suffering we have endured…that we are ushered into a relationship without knowing how things will play out….that we are asked to trust, love, and endure without the guarantee of fulfillment.
I’m not sure if there is much else in this world that is as difficult as giving ourselves to another. But I also cannot imagine anything better. This is love – “the capacity to offer ourselves to others.”
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I’ve recently read a book entitled “The Healing Path” by Dan Allender. Many of the things I have had running through my brain recently stem from the content of this book. I highly recommend it.
I just spent the last four days of my life and more specifically the last two hours of my life getting to know and building a friendship with a wonderful woman who is the type of wife, mother, friend, mentor, and woman of God that I would love to be someday.
I’ve been rolling some thoughts around in my head the last few weeks on the topic of trust. I will post more when I can sit down and think about it.
But in the mean time, I think I’m learning.
a barometer quiz…..an indication of the changes in me, supposedly
thought: why does the church have to be so ridiculously screwed up?
hero: i still love my man, Thomas Merton
contemplation: why are we so consumed with evidence, proof, fact, etc..
film: just recently watched Into the Wild … LOVED IT!
shame-inducing guilty pleasure: facebook
color: blue
wish: that i would stop being such a coward
song: “Take On Me” by a-ha
book: awaiting my copies of The Healing Path and To Be Told
triumph: no depression for awhile now….grateful for that!
celebrity crush: Joaquin Phoenix!
ndulgence: vitamin water — orange or pomegranate/bluebery/acai
story: in transition.
surprise: i still like the band Hanson. haha. they’re new album rocks!
field trip: to Beijing in a couple months, Seattle in August
feeling: overwhelmed, sad, angry, ready for another vacation
…it’s always a shout (every change, change, change)”
It has been a bittersweet couple of weeks.
For those of you who haven’t heard yet, my dad has been reappointed. We’ve been at the church for 22 years and so its rough. We move at the end of June. We all just feel like someone has died. There is a lot of grieving going on. I don’t feel like writing a whole lot about this at the moment, mainly because most people don’t really understand the impact this has on our family and the community. It’s a big deal. That’s the bitter of this week.
On a sweet note, I got to spend five hours sitting in starbucks with one amazing person talking about everything you could possibly imagine. It is perhaps one of the single most important lessons of the power of love, forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation that I’ve experienced in my life. (Sarah, I love you!)
Also on a sweet note, I got to spend five days with my favorite people. I played with the baby, played way too many video games with my boys, and had good conversations with my friends. I’ll always be so grateful for their love and support.
Oh, and who could forget lunch with my favorite professor! Jay, I hope your blood pressure has gone down since yesterday. It was great to see you.
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I feel like I’m getting better at dealing with what gets thrown at me each day. I want to continue learning to accept the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, the meaningful with the seemingly non meaningful, the extraordinary with the mundane.
